I sat last night with grown men around my table planning and preparing for Kylie's future in our home. They weren't here because they had to be, they didn't design a plan because they had to. They are invested in her because they care. There are a lot of things Kylie struggles with, but that kid knows when she is truly loved. She smiled shyly as she hugged them and talked with them. I couldn't hold back the tears as we shared our journey with these men. They took the time to hear us. It wasn't a passing in the hall of "how are you"  "I am thinking of you". It was an effort just to be here, to be present, to open their hearts to our family. It was amazing. I could feel their compassion and support  for not only Kylie, but all my wonderful children and my marriage. The timing was perfect. After a draining day, I felt at peace.

We are all on this journey called "life" and it is amazing how your sense of peace can be so quickly shaken if you allow it to take over. It is IEP time for Kylie. I wonder how many hands the document went through before it got to me. Information being passed around about my child. Should we phrase it this way or that way.... I know those conversations all too well. Make sure you slide a "strength" in there. I got the infamous (what do you want for your child? What are your concerns?) paper home. Corey and I sat for a while, the formality of it all was frustrating. What should we write? We don't want her to call Grandma everyday and ask her to sing happy birthday because it really isn't? Fyi-Grandma sings to her everytime she requests it. Or when we ask her how old she is and her answer is 6, we sure wish she understood what that meant.  Can you please keep her safe? Can you love her fully? Can you appreciate her beauty for all it is? Do you have any suggestions because many mornings showers hurt her skin and she screams in pain?  Do you have suggestions for that? What does a parent write? We don't want to see her suffer? Oh and if you could coordinate with the doctors, the medicine, the bullying that would sure be helpful too? How about some more strategies for her being able to get dressed herself, open the toothpaste, brush her own teeth, sleep all night, eat a freaking fruit roll up without choking! Don't get me wrong, the school should ask a parent these questions...it is a wonderful fabulous thing, we just weren't sure how to respond.  I was one of those who needed the wording just right. See if the wording was just right then that meant all would be well prepared for Kylie and I assumed the world would follow this magical plan we had perfectly placed on paper. Not the case at all.

It is interesting my reaction this year. This is it, the year where they mark "alternate assessment". For those of you who don't realize, this is a small percentage of students who are significantly delayed and therefore must take an "alternate test" as mandated by the state.  You would think I just found out my kid was handicapped or something. I knew this day was coming, I know what it is and somehow it still stings, tugging at my heart.

I told myself not to blog tonight, not while the wound felt so deep, but in a way that is the point of the blog. I have many friends in my contacts that know and understand my words to the their core and there are others who are getting a first time glimpse of what is like to have a child with a disability. Either way, I hope to teach you something you may not have considered before and for my friends who know this world all to well...........remember you are not alone.

Weekend thoughts: Excited for my Saturday morning run with my girls! Blessed to be able to hang out with some students this week, I do miss the students in schools.I also had the opportunity to work with some amazing teachers and administrators this week. Lastly, I have some wonderful peers I work with everyday at my office and some pretty special gal pals too :) Thanks for riding the coaster with me :)

Ooh and a few more things.......My 10 year old keeps poking me saying "big belly", my 6 year old has decided she would like a tattoo because they are pretty, my 3 year old loves to tinkle outside, and my 17th month old thinks it is cool to throw things in the toilet.  Free entertainment at the Kandels :)