Caller ID can paralyze me

What an interesting week-

I took Kearstyn to Secret Keeper. It was a girls night. We went out to dinner and then went to listen to a speaker. The main idea was to teacher girls about modesty and beauty in the eyes of God. At one point the speaker told us moms to turn to our daughters and ask them what they struggle with. I felt so connected to her, looked in her eyes, was super excited to pray with her. I asked what she struggled with and her  reply was "what does struggle mean"? Then she proceeds to tell me she wishes we had a tv as big as the screen at the church in our home.....After a short intervention (teacher friends should be laughing), she was back on track and ready to roll...

Later that night I joined many other runners at the Stadium to run for Boston. It was amazing how united with the community I felt. Hard to explain!

We had Kylie's IEP meeting. It was tough as expected and unfortunately we didn't complete it. I do feel blessed with a few of the individuals that are so invested in Kylie. I just wish I could have sat and talked with them longer. I did have to take a break. Corey is great, we walked outside had a quick chat, and I was ready to return to the meeting. One of the teachers did not say 1 positive thing about her. How do you have a conference about a child and not say one positive thing? I could feel a lump in my throat as I waited...but that moment never came. Thankfully there were others who I know love her so I have been trying to focus on the positive.

Right after that we had to head to Cleveland for a doctor's apt. Stryker and Kylie did pretty well but both were hungry by the time we left. Getting lost in downtown Cleveland didn't help. Why is it men will not ask for directions? We have to adjust one of her medications, but hopefully it will help her with her nervousness. She has been really struggling with transitions lately. She hasn't wanted Corey or I to leave the house. We try to schedule date nights and she used to shove us out the door, not anymore. It make leaving a little more difficult.

Friday my phone buzzed and I looked down. It is amazing how caller ID can stop you in your tracks. I knew the number, I know it well. I am sure we all have those numbers we don't like popping up and numbers we can't wait to see. We have numbers we try to avoid and numbers we feel the need to answer. It is human nature, but when the hospital calls, it stops me in my tracks. So after and IEP meeting, doctors appointment, crazy late evening with carebear, trying to plan for the addition, craziness with the Boston Marathon, work business, this call was the LAST thing I wanted.

It was another doctor's office stating they really think we need to start Kylie on this medicine we have been avoiding due to side effects. More lab results were read to me on the phone. I wish I would have let it go to voicemail. Maybe just not knowing over the weekend would have been ok. I cuddled with Kylie and Strkyer this afternoon. Her muscles ache today and she just wanted them rubbed. She finally fell asleep and I just found myself staring at her for an hour. Decisions are so tough. I feel like the weight of the world is on me to make the right decisions for her as far as supporting her health needs and I just don't know which way to go. I will explain more later. This post is getting long and I can feel the lump in my throat return and my heart beating fast just thinking about it. Corey and I seem to talk in circles about the pros and cons of the medicine. I am just glad we continue to talk about our options. We have this weird trust and respect for each other so we just keep banking on the other one to make the "final call". It is one of those times neither of us want to make what could be a fatal mistake. I do think though we will both know when we need to move forward with the medicine, at least I hope so. I know I sound confusing........it is because I am confused :)

My first marathon is next weekend. I had my last longer run at 8 miles today with Julie, Andrea, Sarah, and Stephanie. That actually seems really short to me after three 20 milers! They have so much confidence in me and I hope my confidence builds after next weekend. I am pretty nervous right now. Running is so freeing and it is something positive I can focus on. I hope to start a team for Kylie this summer too! I have talked to a few friends about it and one person said she would be honored to wear a shirt and sponsor her. It made me really happy. I just need to think of an awesome team name! Ideas are welcome!

I had somebody text me this week saying it sounded like things were busy.........I am not sure what I would do if they weren't. Each story, each of my awesome children, each moment is an experience crafting me as a mother, wife, and friend.

Corey's parents just came. His dad is awesome at holding me accountable because he hates when I answer my phone or text when they are visiting. So I will now log off, put my phone away, and enjoy my amazing family.

Caller ID won't paralyze me tonight